Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
