P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
