I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
