Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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