Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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