Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
