Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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