Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
