Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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