it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
