Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
