he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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