somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
