I hate all girls vehemently.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
