White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
