I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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