Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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