We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
