Well douche your snatch and let's go!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I need moral support for this bender
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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