i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
