sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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