Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
