Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
