please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
