Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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