so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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