How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
