i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
