Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
