I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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