suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
