thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
