Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
