my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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