DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
