I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
