A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
