first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
