you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
