is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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