Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
