I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
