So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
