I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
