dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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