Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
