It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
