My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
