y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
