Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
