The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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