I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
