Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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